Tuesday
Sep142010
those who can't teach
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 2:00AM
Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: We're all home schoolers
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how their children learn at home as a natural part of their day. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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If we lived in another part of the country, one of my friends recently pointed out, we'd be vying for a spot in a choice preschool right now. In fact, for certain preschools, we'd have already been accepted or denied based on an assessment of our at-home routines, plans for the future both near and distant and "philosophies." The thought of putting on my best button-up blouse and smug half smile to sit opposite some douche in an Aeron chair and justify my parenting style in order to be granted the opportunity to write a check for thousands of dollars -- ugh. It makes me shudder so hard you might mistake my disgust for a sort of rhythmless shimmy.
Luckily, we don't live in New York or LA or any other place so cutthroat as to pit infants against each other. There's an abundance of small preschools, co-op schools, Montessori and Waldorf schools and preschools of the arts in Bellingham, and many of them are steps from our front door. On our walks, George and I like to stop at the schools' fences to watch kids play for a few moments before we move on to chase a neighborhood cat or admire someone's garden. It's undeniable that George likes people, likes to engage socially a lot more than I do and I can't see this changing before it's time to start thinking about school. And yet.
My main criticism of homeschooling involves humility. It takes someone with a high opinion of her (or him)self to homeschool. You have to be so confident in your ability to provide all the knowledge your child needs that you forsake other in-person input. Of course, there's reference. There's the library and the internet and "field trips." But you, as a parent, are the keystone...and all the other stones, and like 3/5 of the gargoyles on top of the building. Your bias becomes theirs, for better or worse, by design or otherwise. And knowing all this, feeling the way I do... I would still consider homeschooling George for the first couple of years at least.
See, Bellingham is a liberal town for sure. Everyone recycles. Everyone rides their bike and shops at the co-op and wants or has chickens and loves composting with a passion they used to reserve for Death Cab circa '06 or Obama, for those two months in 2008 when they cared about politics. But! These are tricksy hippies who fool you with their homebrew and yearly contribution to Planned Parenthood; they are just yuppies in disguise. Yuppies who don't love Emma Goldman. Who don't daydream about Summerhill. Who don't appear on the no-fly list for their involvement with the ALF (um... I mean... not that I know anyone who fits that description).
There's an odd sort of dichotomy at play with these folks and their kids. They advocate for educational freedom, as long as that freedom includes really extensive knowledge of OPEC. They support the arts, but "the arts" are kind of bad acrylic paintings they purchased to justify the "buy art not cocaine" sticker on their Subaru. They call their Subaru a suby. CUTE! There's no place that I've heard of or seen, yet, in town, that offers real democratic schooling or even some version of AS Neill's model but is also academically rigorous. Why does educational freedom have to equal linen pants and lessons in blackberry picking, you guys?!
This, for me, is the crux of the issue. I want my son to enjoy learning, but I want him to learn valuable lessons. I want his inherent curiosity to remain intact but I don't believe his every fascination should be thoroughly indulged at the expense of other knowledge. I want him to be happy, confident and well-adjusted but I also want him to be smart, with marketable skills that will enable him to earn a living. Am I thinking too far ahead? Maybe, but I'm operating under the assumption that good habits start early. This is why we haven't signed up for infant classes at the community college (yet -- report from friend pending), why we may not be sending our child to school. Why I'd rather we listen to dynamic and honest music than kidsbop, watch documentaries and Stan Brakhage films than wow wow wubbzy. Why I don't speak to my son like he's a half-deaf dog. Because, despite (and because of) my acknowledgement that homeschooling is equatable with a superiority complex, I think I am pretty damned well equipped to teach my son to learn on his own. If that just makes me a different kind of douche, well, you heard it here first.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated September 14 with all the carnival links.)
- A is for Apple {But right now it's more fun to pick apples!} — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has a four-year-old who wisely knows she must forgo the worksheets for now and do things with her mother if she's going to learn.
- Baby Talks — Amy at Anktangle talks, talks, talks all day long to her preverbal baby, about simple things and complexities. (@anktangle)
- Baby University: Little Man, My Teacher — The ArtsyMama shares how her relaxed and patient "teaching" at home resulted in a confident little one when she returned to work.
- Creating a Sensory Garden — A sensory garden has given Marita at Stuff With Thing and her girls practice in math, science, budgeting, fine motor skills, and more. (@leechbabe)
- Despite the Big Yellow Bus — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante has surprised many friends by sending her kids off to mainstream schooling — but their learning doesn't stop there. (@seonaid_lee)
- Down on the Farm — Megan at Purple Dancing Dhalias describes the multitude of skills her children learn by homeschooling on a farm.
- Early Childhood Education — First Do No Harm — Laura at Laura's Blog provides an incredible list of tips to facilitate learning at home.
- Education Starts At Home — Luschka at Diary of a First Child was happy to realize that learning at home isn't limited to older children. (@lvano)
- Every Day Is A School Day — Summer at Finding Summer lists the ways her family learns in this poem of a post. (@summerminor)
- hands on — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts read her little one Sherlock Holmes in utero. She'll continue to make learning fun now that he's on this side of the womb. (@thegrumbles)
- Have a Happy Heart — Erica at ChildOrganics has days of poop on the couch and oatmeal down the pants when sending her children to school seems like the perfect solution — until she regains her perspective. (@childorganics)
- Home Sweet Home Schooling — Check out CurlyMonkey's Blog for a photo montage of how her kids are learning anatomy, architecture, and more — all at home. (@curlymonkey_)
- Homeschooling — My Needs? — Do you homeschool for the kids, or do you do it for you? Read some thoughts from Home Grown Families. (@momtosprouts)
- Homeschooling: A Way of Life — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia has children who meet learning with enthusiasm and are becoming self-sufficient at a young age. (@UsborneBooksCB)
- How We Homeschooled — Deb at Living Montessori Now details in retrospect how her two lifelong learners spent their homeschooling years. (@DebChitwood)
- Learning at Home With a Preschooler and Toddler — Need some inspiration? Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her tips and resources for lifelong learning. (@TheParentVortex)
- Learning at Home: Are We All Homeschoolers? — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings incorporates homeschool ideas even though she plans to send her kids to school. (@sunfrog)
- Learning From Life — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting doesn't even have to think about how her daughter learns. She just does it. (@mamapoekie)
- Learning Through Play — What better way to learn at home than through play? Dionna at Code Name: Mama lists the many ways children learn through play, whether they know it or not. (@CodeNameMama)
- Learning With Savoury Pikelets — Deb at Science@Home breaks down how cooking facilitates learning. (@ScienceMum)
- Lessons Learned by Bowling (Yes, Bowling) — What life lessons can you learn from bowling? Ask Jessica from This is Worthwhile. (@tisworthwhile)
- Life is learning, learning is life. — Kristin, guest posting at Janet Fraser — Where birth and feminism intersect, defends the truth that children are hardwired to learn. (@JoyousLearning)
- life learning... — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children found that structured schooling is about teaching, whereas unschooling is about learning, and her family resonated with the latter.
- Live to Learn Together — RealMommy at True Confessions of a Real Mommy knows that children learn in all different styles, so only one-on-one attention can do the trick.
- Natural Parenting and the Working Mom — Jenny from Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares how natural parenting in the Philippines — and learning at home — includes "yayas" (nannies). (@crazydigger)
- Not Back to School: How We Learn at Home — Denise at This Holistic Life has learned to describe what unschooling is, rather than what it isn't.
- Our Learning Curve — Andrea of Ella-Bean & Co. has a special bookshelf set up where her daughter can explore the world on her own terms.
- School at Our House — Where is learning happening at Kellie at Our Mindful Life's house? It is pouring all over the floor. It is digging down deep in the earth. It is everywhere!
- Schooling Three Little Piggies — Despite the mess and the chaos, Melissa at White Noise lets her children into the kitchen.
- SuperMom versus The Comic Books of Doom! — Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup realized that if "getting the kids to read" was the goal, it didn't matter what the kids read. (@mommysoup)
- The joy of learning at home — Heather at Life, Gluten Free has a daughter who sees magic in the stars and understands the honeybees. (@lifeglutenfree)
- those who can't teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders.
- Too lazy to unschool? — If unschoolers aren't lazy, Lauren at Hobo Mama wonders if she's too lazy to live her dream of free-form education. (@Hobo_Mama)
- Unschooling the School of Me — Rachael at The Variegated Life considers what she's teaching her son about work as a work-at-home mother — and the extreme work ethic she doesn't want him to emulate. (@RachaelNevins)
- What We Do All Day — Alison at BluebirdMama discovered that it's easier than she thought it would be to quantify how her child learns all day. (@childbearing)
- Who taught that kid ‘exoskeleton’? — Nervous about how you will facilitate learning at home? Don't be - they will absorb things on their own! Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma shares her story. (@kitchenwitch)
Reader Comments (22)
I'm laughing so hard that it is hard to type. I usually categorize your fake hippies as Yuppie Granolas. And of course I have a lot more to say, but I've spent the day blogging, and I'd better go and spend some of the evening parenting. :)
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
Ha ha, yes, those fake hippies also populate Seattle as well! And I may in fact be guilty of some of those characteristics myself (gulp), though hopefully not on the education front!
I've heard of Summerhill, but had never read anything about it -- wow, that looks amazing!
I definitely share your concerns about being THE ONE person teaching my children -- I like the idea of my kids getting their information/knowledge from a variety of people. Me included (heavily so) but not to the exclusion of others, who may have different knowledge sets, teaching styles, personalities and experiences that may be effective and meaningful to my kids in different stages in their journey.
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
"those 2 months in 2008 when they cared about politics." Awesome. (I miss Bellingham already.)
yuppie granolas is a great term. i'm still looking for a suitably awesome portmanteau for this phenomenon, but if i can't find one i may have to adopt your term of, err...endearment. :)
well, if the newly-acquired chicken coop that's sitting in my backyard is any indicator, i can't really cast stones. also, the seattle ones are probably the bellingham ones of a couple years ago...on their way to portland, ha ha.
"You have to be so confident in your ability to provide all the knowledge your child needs that you forsake other in-person input."
This IS the main reason I don't want to homeschool. I went to school for 22 years of my life (preschool, gradeschool, highschool, college, lawschool and masters) and LOVED school. Currently, my daughter is in preschool in the mornings and she looks forward to going to school every night. Locally, there are curriculums that homeschoolers follow but how do you know that you're not missing out on something being taught in the regular school?
Hilarious! You Bellingham and Seattle crunchies can come visit me in Portland anytime. =)
I loved this post--so honest. Thank you.
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
Adopt away. Alternatively, there is the term "BoBo" for Bohemian Bourgeois, which came from a book called BoBos in Paradise. I haven't read it, but my cousin offered it as an alternative. :)
I still prefer Yuppie Granola, though.
As the parent of a HSed child, I don't really relate to your comment about being The One who teaches my child everything. In fact I see myself more as a facilitator than a teacher. I do remarkably little teaching, beyond that of what every parent does, regardless of the education modality they employ. My role is to link my child in with community resources and learning opportunities and to support his independent learning.
ha! So true. I think you do need a fair amount of confidence in yourself to homeschool, but not because you need to be the font of all knowledge for your child. (I don't think public school teachers are fonts of all knowledge either, nor do they need to be). Homeschooling takes confidence mostly because bucking the normal and taking responsibility for your family's education is a scary thing to do.
I definitely want my girls to have lots of other knowledgeable adult role models in their lives, and lots of other friends their own age too. The good thing about homeschooling is that as a parent you have more control over who those role models are. The downside is that arranging for those relationships to happen takes more work.
You write so very well. What a joy to read your post!
I think maybe every teacher has to have a superiority complex, yes? I remember being astonished, sometime in high school, to realize that all my teachers did not, in fact, know everything. That a few of them were — gasp! — a little dumb. It struck me even more when I grew older than most beginning teachers (sigh). But, yeah, I don't think of myself as the person who should be listened to above all else. That would scare the pants off me when there's so very little I know.
It's a hard balance to find. The restrictions of homeschooling vs. the restrictions of formal schooling.
And we live in Seattle, and are probably also part of the fake hippy movement. Another sigh there. :) And I used to eschew kids' music and TV shows, but dang it if that's not all my three-year-old likes now. Ah, well, I guess I have to let him have a say.
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]
Lauren, thank you! I dearly love your blog so that means a lot. I'm sitting pretty over here, planning to watch nouvelle vague films with a 9 month old. Check me in a couple of years and I'll likely be singing a different tune. One that goes, "who lives in a pineapple under the sea..."
I grew up in the heart of Yuppie Granolasville in Brooklyn so I know the type. I did have some childhood friends/neighbors that were unschooled though. Anyway, with my two whole weeks of experience (heh), I hadn't considered homeschooling egotistic. I spend a small chunk of each day freaking out that I'm going to mess this up and screw my children up for life in some irrevocable way! But that's bound to happen anyway, right? Right?
i think your worry that it will go wrong is the fail safe. it's the people that think they're unequivocally right in un/homeschooling that freak me out. or worse, the people that think god will provide the education and they just gotta sit back and soak it up. i chatted with a woman once who said, "if god wanted my kids to learn math, he'd have included it in the bible." it was no surprise to me that her children didn't understand the concept of a (buffet) line and how to stand in one, wait your turn and serve yourself some food.
[...] those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders. [...]