try, try again

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let's Talk About Food

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about their struggles and successes with healthy eating. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

I am the first to admit that I'm a lackluster housefrau -- cleaning takes a backseat to going for walks; cooking is mainly left to my (much better chef of a) partner; laundry gets done... well, when it gets done. I have books on these topics and I've read them all. Devoured them! A good cookbook, beautifully photographed and wittily composed is one of my most treasured bookstore finds. I dog ear the recipes that sound most delicious and vow to work my way through those before tackling the ones with main ingredients I find less than tempting. (Beets? Err...we'll wait 'til Fall.) If I make three dishes from one book, however, it's a feat to be commended because I enjoy the hunt a lot more than the preparation.
But now -- now, we're on a budget. Because guess what, you guys: teachers don't make a lot of money! And stay at home moms, if you can believe it, get paid exactly NOTHING. I mean...those cherished moments with my son don't exactly keep us in spelt pasta and agave nectar for my tea, if you know what I mean. So, we are at an impasse with our family diet. I flatly refuse to feed George anything that isn't certified organic though we are living barely above the poverty line; there are just too many scary things in non-organic foods. I want his little body learning to navigate our living room without stepping on cats, not sagging under the weight of neurotoxins and carcinogens and dyes that make him hyperactive.
Well, it turns out that vegetables -- ones you grow in your own backyard -- are practically free if you start them from seeds. Vegetables you don't grow yourself are still cheaper than a three-times-a-week burrito habit, and can be bought from -- get this! -- the people who grow them! If I had a mind to, which I often do, I could mosey on down to the farmer's market on Saturday and, for ten to fifteen dollars, purchase an astounding haul of colorful gorgeousness from my neighbors. And the next week, I can come back and say hey, neighbor, thanks for that beautiful chard/those crazy fiddlehead ferns/the garlic-looking thing I've forgotten the name of!
The availability of wholesome food isn't going to make me a better cook any more than my collection of unused cookbooks. But one thing it does: makes me a more enthusiastic consumer. Friendly farmers and dairy owners soften the blow of not being able to eat out when I want. The bummer of poverty is often feeling deprived. If I can support my community, feed my family with a clear conscience and spend my days feeling energetic and healthy, I can't imagine feeling like I wont for anything at the dinner table.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated July 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Welcome to Two — All About Food — In case you hadn't heard, there is a conspiracy afoot from the two year olds of the world. Shana at Tales of Minor Interest stumbled onto their newsletter!


• Four Seasons of Eating Locally — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction has pointers for what fresh produce can be found year-round. (@MBJunction)


• Happy Families Can Have More Than One Diet — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has figured out a way for her family to live happily as vegans and vegetarians with relatives who eat meat. (@DebChitwood)


• My Own Omnivore’s Dilemma — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante prioritizes responsible consumer choices for her family.


• No Gluten — No Cry — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma learned to cook balanced meals when her son's food sensitivities prompted a diet overhaul. (@kitchenwitch)


• Try, Try Again — Stefanie at very very fine has become an enthusiastic consumer of locally grown food.


• CSA — Week 1 — Casey at What Love Is wants her children to know where their food comes from, so she joined a friendly CSA. (@CBerbs)


• Food: Parenting or Homemaking? — Michelle at The Parent Vortex sees food as part of a parent's nurturing role. (@TheParentVortex)


• 5 Tips to Help Kids Develop Healthy Eating Habits — If you struggle with healthy eating, helping your child develop healthy habits might be a challenge. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares five easy tips that will help your kids learn to make good food choices. (@CodeNameMama)


• Family Food: Seeking Balance Between Healthy, Sustainable & Affordable — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings has a whole list of ideas for how she can improve her family's eating, both now and into the future. (@sunfrog)


• Whole Foods in, Wholesome Feelings Out — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has turned her back on the processed, preservative-ridden food of her childhood. (@tisworthwhile)


• When to Splurge on Organic (and When It Is Okay to Skip It) — Becoming Mamas tell you what foods to prioritize when buying pricier organic food, and where you can find it cheaper. (@becomingmamas)


• A Locavore's Family Meal — Acacia at Be Present Mama tells a story in pictures of her family taking a trip to the local organic farmers market and then preparing a summer meal together with their bounty.


• Eat Your Food, or Else — Why should we not bribe a child to eat? TwinToddlersDad from Littlestomaks (Science Driven Real Life Toddler Nutrition) explains. (@TwinToddlersDad)


• Food, Glorious Food! — Luschka at Diary of a First Child describes three easy ways her family has started eating healthier. (@diaryfirstchild)


• Celebrating Food — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes in food as medicine and thinks it's worth paying more to keep healthy. (@myzerowaste)


• Oil and Yogurt — What have you been motivated to do with the current oil spill crisis? midnightfeedings has started making her own yogurt. (@midnightfeeding)


• Growth-Spurt Soup (AKA "Beannut Stew") — BeanMa has a special stew to help her baby through growth spurts that keep her up all night. (@thebeanma)


• Why I Love The Real Food Community — Much like many people who follow AP/NP values, Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! takes the parts of the "real food" philosophy that work for her family and leaves the rest. (@bfmom)


• Feeding a Family of Six — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children gives helpful tips for feeding a family of six.


• Starting Solids at 6 Months — Did your doctor recommend that you give your baby cereal? Sheryl at Little Snowflakes discusses how whole foods are so much healthier (and more delicious) than traditional cereal. (@sheryljesin)


• Am I What I Eat? — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. has figured out a way to avoid grocery stores nearly altogether.


• Are We Setting Our Kids Up To Fail? — Megan at Purple Dancing Dahlias found that cutting out the junk also transformed her sons' behavior problems.


• Changing your family's way of eating — Lauren at Hobo Mama has techniques you can try to move your family gradually toward a healthier diet. (@Hobo_Mama)


• Real Food — What kinds of fake foods do you eat? And why?! Lisa C. at My World Edenwild talks about why she chooses real food.


• A Snackaholic’s Food Battle — Julie at Simple Life wants to stop snacking and get into the old ways of cooking from scratch and raising her own food. (@homemakerjulie)


• Food, Not Fight — Summer at Finding Summer doesn't want her kids to grow up like her husband: hating everything green. (@summerm)


• How Do You Eat When You Are out of Town? — Cassie at There's a Pickle In My Life wants some tips on how to eat healthy when you are out of town.


• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Food! — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker hopes that by serving her children healthy, balanced meals, they will become accustomed to making good food choices. (@sybilryan)


• There's No Food Like Home's — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing revels in the Bajan food of her upbringing. (@BlkWmnDoBF)


• This Mom's Food Journey — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment made a journey from not paying attention to food to growing her own.


• Who Knew Eating Was So Hard? — The challenges involved in changing to healthier eating habits take on a whole new dimension when you have a child who has difficulties eating. kadiera at Our Little Acorn shares her own experiences. (@kadiera)


• Loving Food — Starr at Earth Mama truly believes food is her family's medicine and is willing to spend days preparing it the traditional way.


• Food Mindfulness — Danielle at born.in.japan details how her family spends money on each category of food. (@borninjp)


• Food for Little People — Zoey at Good Goog wants to bless her daughter with happy traditions built around good food. (@zoeyspeak)


• Eat Like a Baby — Have you been told that you should not equate food with love? Kate Wicker at Momopoly shows us why that's not necessarily true. (@Momopoly)


• Food — Deb at Science@Home tries to teach her children three rules to help them eat a healthy diet. (@ScienceMum)


• Healthy Eating Lactose-Free — MamanADroit gives us tips on how to eat healthy if you are lactose intolerant (or just don’t want cow milk). (@MamanADroit)

last night a tutorial saved my life

Okay, so it was actually yesterday afternoon and "saved my life" might be hyperbolic. But this tutorial for making your own mei tai just gifted me (with some work on my part) my very most favorite thing I've ever made, ever in my whole long life of making things.
I love my Ergo. Previously, I may have said that it saved my life. And that would only be slightly hyperbolic, because when you have a baby like George, who wants you to hold him every second of every minute of every day, you find that occasionally you need your hands no matter how pleasant holding you baby may be. That Ergo has allowed me to pee, to check Facebook when George was, in the beginning, what we lovingly refer to as a blob, and most importantly, it sometimes puts him to sleep. We use it multiple times a day for walks and picking up around the house and giving a nap the old college try. I'm not giving up on my Ergo. But it's just so...black. And Beige. With giant clips and padding and that swirly logo that treads dangerously close to hippy territory. I wanted something jazzier. Yellow. Flowers? YES! I am not a flowers type of gal (gal -- check), but this fabric seemed right to me. So, with $16, two Joann coupons, a bit of brown minkee fabric I had lying around the sewing room and about 3 hours, I have this little number.

asking for it

Everyone has a set of personal rules -- even the most freewheeling of us have a stopping point, a place that makes us uncomfortable. Solid boundaries are one of my most prized possessions. I guard my set like the family silver, and I inherited it in much the same way I would've an heirloom. Nobody, but nobody, lasts thirty seconds in my family without firmly defined boundaries.
So, by and large, I respect other people's, no matter how weird I may find them. I know they're what keeps society chugging along. They're the reason for all successful relationships. But there are some that just make my skin crawl, and I have been repeatedly faced with one in particular recently: The "when they can ask for it" rule. Those of you who breastfeed undoubtedly know to what I am referring. It's the common rule among breastfeeding women that as soon as your baby can ask for milk, you ought to stop nursing. What was a nurturing, healthful bonding experience goes from sweet to capital G Gross with one word like a reinvention of your stupidest middle school crush: hopelessly devoted twelve year-old loves other twelve year-old madly until the latter shows interest and then...oh, nevermind.
A couple of weeks ago, after diligent fist opening-and-closing during every nursing sesh for months in an attempt to teach George his first sign, he did it... I think. The sign for milk. OH MY GOD! I shrieked. And got out my phone to record the event. He must've meant it because despite my alarming reaction, he did it again. And again. It was akin to the feeling I get when I find common ground with a person who doesn't speak the same languages as I do. The fervent head bob and grin to say, "I understand!!!" But times a thousand million bajillion. The victorious feeling of being able to definitively communicate with my baby was liberating and validating and such a relief. One less thing to guess about.
So why would anyone deprive herself of this victory? Moreover, why would you punish your baby for finding common ground with you? Can you imagine the effort it took? I can't. And (thankfully? unfortunately?) I don't know anyone who believes in this practice well enough to say WTF? What is your rationale? I'm betting I'm better off not knowing. Anyway, there's always PBR.

bookends

Yesterday evening was fun and relatively easy in a way that interactions with people I don't know very well seldom are. I wasn't stressed out. I wasn't irritated. I was enjoying the weather and the company and the atmosphere. While I would've undoubtedly been happy with my baby's temperament in any case, I am consistently pleased that George is so sweet, good natured, easy-going. A nice friend to have.

Helpful, as he's making friends.

My friend Sheri was so sweet (hi, Sheri!) in commenting that I seem to love motherhood (I do). She said she'd always choose her sons' company over other offers. And so would I choose mine; he's the best companion, co-conspirator, wingman I've ever had. He's my perfect foil: a squealing, smiling little fatty that draws attention where I'd rather blend in. Who wants to go outside. Talk to dogs. Grab at things. Who expresses his dissatisfaction so clearly and succinctly that it is unmistakable (it helps to think of crying this way).
No matter how much I enjoy his company, his devotion, however, I know it's fleeting. And it's comforting to see the seeds of his socialization starting to sprout and peek out into the sun. These babies might not grow into his nearest and dearest, or even stay in his life as anything but a funny picture, but it's nice to see them roll around together, gnawing on each others' hands and toys with the abandon of old friends.

what? this old thing?

let
There's a strange, (seemingly) typical female response to certain situations that I find really irritating. Wait, FIRST: I'd like to state for the record that I attribute most "typically female" things, and all annoying "typically female" things to socialization -- the way we are taught to be more polite, quieter, less intrusive, et cetera forever and ever, for alas, the list of things we're taught to be and boys are not is endless and sad.
But anyway, it starts pre-parenthood with compliments, say... on your outfit.
Friend One: "I like your dress."
Friend Two: "This? Oh...thanks. It barely fits me; I've gained like five pounds in the last week. And it was only like $3 at the Salvation Army."
Friend One: "Oh my god, I am so much fatter than you."
Friend Two: "What? No way, my thighs are repulsive."
and... SCENE
I am compelled to deflect compliments in this same way -- don't get me wrong. Compliment me and, on a good day, you will get a sheepish thank you. On a bad day, I will mention my stretch marks/frizzy hair/giant boobs and point out the small hole in the side seam of my shirt. A simple, gracious look in the eye and thanks is something I hope against hope to someday master.
If this weren't bad enough -- that we are socialized to demean ourlseves at the smallest praise -- there's another thing that pits women against women in a weird, underhanded way that I have just discovered. It's a particular brand of mompetition that I never would've guessed existed, and I find it absolutely, positively infuriating. It starts with someone, in my experience usually a casual acquaintance, inquiring about the way you do something. Anything. Diapering, let's say. Another mom mentions that she uses gDiapers. You mention that you cloth diaper. And she comes back with something like, "Oh, I thought about trying that...but I just didn't have tiiiiime and it seems kinda gross. FOR ME. But it's so cool that you do it." This kind of retort, while I understand is often made in the same spirit as the "what, this old thing?" compliment deflection, is way ruder. It's a veritable pat on the head. And I've experienced it so many times in the past year that I've lost track of all the things I do that are "cute." Using a diva cup? good for the environment, sure, but ew! You have to rinse it out in the sink? Making your own baby food? Sure, you know all the ingredients but I'm just so busy. Being vegetarian? I totally should, but I just really love regular food. REGULAR FOOD! Those words were uttered to me. By a reasonably intelligent human woman.
This is perhaps the kind of inactivity I find most offensive. People who don't know the benefits of, for example, breastfeeding can't be blamed for choosing not to do it. But if you know it's good for your baby and you can't find a sexy nursing bra so choose formula, I have no words for you. Scratch that -- I have a LOT of words for you, but I doubt you'd be interested in hearing them.
Because my fury at this was so great and so consistent, I had to check myself to make sure it wasn't stemming from my own issues. Was I embarrassed or ashamed of any of these practices and more sensitive to perceived criticism? But the answer was always no. I am nothing short of thrilled with cloth diapers. I am a terrible cook, but mashing steamed food? Can't mess that up. I hate disposable pads like poison; if they vanished from the Earth forevermore I'd throw a party.
It's possible to talk about ourselves and our choices -- be it what to wear or what to feed our babies -- with grace. There's no need for underhanded compliments that imply the other is slaving away with shit smears on her forehead while you sip lemonade with your fancy girlfriends. We can exchange information without being mean to each other or ourselves and the sooner we figure out how, the sooner I'll stop dreading meeting new moms. The upshot of this phenomenon is that I am astounded and bowled over with gratitude when this ideal free exchange happens, wherein nobody is self-depricating but everyone is open to suggestion. Because we're all just doing the best that we can, right?