on hiring a doula

I've encouraged a gajillion women to invest in a doula. I count several doulas among my friends and am never at a loss for one to recommend to any interested parties. I've got a super-hippie doula reference, a regular-lady doula reference, a conservative Christian doula reference, and most everything in between. I love playing a small part in facilitating that relationship, and always feel a little like a matchmaker when I hear of a successful interview. I even (somewhat creepily) had my picture taken with Penny Simkin, who is, you know, THE DOULA.

Penny, Lauren of Hobo Mama, and me

There's one hitch in this lovefest, however, and it appears when someone asks: Who did you use? 

Because me? I didn't hire a doula. Too expensive, too self-indulgent, too much focus on me, and nobody I could fathom being "in the room." I had a supportive, informed partner and the best midwife in the entire goddamned world. What did I need a doula for? This thinking was borne out when my labor lasted less than three hours and we settled in comfortably at home to revel in our great experience and sweet new baby. 

When I learned of a local doula who did placenta encapsulation, I contacted him (yep: him) to check on pricing and availability. It was something I hadn't really explored with my previous pregnancy and, if we could swing it financially, was on my to-do-this-time list. After all, it's like medicine, right? A justifiable expense. He directed me to his website and I was really impressed with his discussion of gender, his inclusion of chosen families, his use of the phrase "dads and other partners" and -- ahem -- his sliding scale. This is totally the guy I would hire! I thought. If I were hiring a doula, that is. 

Dear reader, I hired him. Or, more accurately, we're trading him some design and web work for his services. After sending a rambling email detailing the reasons I thought I didn't need a doula, he responded (in the least pushy way imaginable) with the myriad things a doula does outside of the potentially narrow window of direct labor support. Sandwiches! Organization! Photos! And, also, help if my labor is not as swift and mighty as last time. The four of us (Nathan, George, Doula David and I) had a coffee shop date where we talked websites and community and birthy stuff. And it was good. 

I'm opening up to the idea of help, of allowing for the reality that we may not be able to handle it all on our own. And I have one more recommendable doula in my cache... as long as you're not due on February 1st. 

What do you think about hiring a male doula? Or any doula? Did one attend your birth?

Comments

[tara]

we had our friend, Lynn, as a doula or birth assistant with us. this was on top of one midwife the whole labor and a birth assistant and second midwife during transition and beyond. Lynn offered and at first, we thought no way -- too many people, thats what the other people are for. Then we thought maybe she would support me, in my dramatic need to worry, and Lynn is particularly grounding and helpful for that.

Long story short, she was a HUGE help and was super involved in supporting Alena the whole time because thats what it turned out worked for us best. she was someone else we trusted who knew things were going fine when we didn't necessarily know what to expect in the middle of it.

I can't currently imagine giving birth very well at this point, so i can't really answer your question. I think its rad you found someone you feel comfortable with and have started the relationship now. When the midwives were at our birth, they kept commenting on how nice it was to have an all women space (due to no male partner), which i thought was interesting. I think it depends on what people bring to the table (wah waaaaah.)

[Áine]

I would love to hire a doula if I have another baby. Can't really afford one but where there's a will, there's a way! A friend of mine had a male doula & hired him again for her next baby.